Ty's Awesome Journal

I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. I hope you have a wonderful day filled with happiness, love and joy.

I haven't updated this in a while but nothing really significant has changed since the last time I wrote... however, now I have some things to write about.

Let me start off by saying that I'm feeling a lot of pressure and stress right now from a number of things, the biggest being college. The assignments just keep coming even though the year is coming to an end. I am in six classes, which almost all contain homework right up until the very last day of class. At this very moment, I think I'm in the process of completing five assignments, three of which are major projects. I think that the workload of this class was not properly evaluated. We are getting stacked with so much work and not enough time to complete it. I've been stressed out about this for a while now and it's just getting worse, not better. I think I'm going to fail my Graphic Layout class because that's the one I'm struggling with the most and that's one of the classes that I'm falling behind in because of the large workload.

Next, I'm worried about my roommate. She went to Toronto to presumably visit her boyfriend and called me the night she was supposed to come back telling me that she wouldn't be back for a while. I've spoken with her twice since then and that was almost three weeks ago. I'm not sure when she'll be home or why she hasn't returned yet... all I know is that I'm starting to get worried, and not just that, but lonely without having a roommate... reminds me of August when I was alone until she arrived close to the end of August, a week and half before classes began.

On to a happier note, my love is coming to visit me tomorrow and I can't wait. I'm ecstatic about it. I can't wait to hold her, kiss her and just be with her. It's been too long since we've been together and it kills me every day that we're apart. I can't wait until the day when we are able to be with each other for good, not worrying about saying goodbye. The day when we can finally do everything together and start our lives together. I dream about it every single night before I go to sleep, after our nightly chat before bed. This is something I have been waiting for my whole life and soon enough it will come true. But... of course with happiness always comes upset and that is that it's way too long to wait. I can't describe in words how much I'm hurting to be in her arms and be together. Even tomorrow won't come soon enough. I will update again after she leaves which will also kill me, us as a matter of fact, because I know that it won't just be me that's upset.

I can't think of anything else at the moment to write about, except for little things like my broadcast on The Q Online back on the 18th when I did the 2-year birthday show. I'm going home on December 6th to celebrate our family's annual Christmas party, which by the way, I go home on my birthday! I can't wait for that either. I'll be turning 22 and having a small party with a friend friends here in Ottawa.

That's all for now. I should get back to my work because I'm sitting in class right now in the middle of a work period. Oh, I almost forgot... Happy Thanksgiving to all in the U.S., and anywhere else that celebrates Thanksgiving in November.

I haven't posted an entry like this yet, so I felt like I should do so now. My best memory of Krystle would have to be our drama production of Grease. There are so many other memories, too many to list. Krystle was a wonderful person with so many amazing qualities and a great personality. She was a wonderful friend and I will never forget her. She will always be in my heart and I'm glad she's in a better place now, not suffering. Rest in peace.

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I'm at home and on my way with my parents to Brantford to visit family friends. The weather is grey, wet and miserable. Other than that, there's nothing new going on with me. Sorry if you found this entry boring,

I'm posting this entry as I sit on the bus heading home to Guelph. I'm listening to music, but it's still boring, so I thought I would write and say a quick hello to everyone reading this. I'm going home this weekend so I can finish cleaning up the apartment and announce at our final horse show of the season. Other than that, nothing much happening this weekend. Take care everyone.

I'm writing this entry just to say that I'm feeling quite lonely here alone at my apartment. My roommate is not here and won't be for a couple weeks and I'm feeling alone. I'm not used to living in an apartment, nor am I used to be alone like this... I have friends here in Ottawa and I wish I could see them more often. Emily is staying here for a month cat-sitting, but lives fairly far from here and I don't know the bus route and costs about $40 to travel there by taxi. Victoria has come to visit once but tomorrow will be going home until the end of August. Leah has been stressed out lately but said she would try and come next week sometime, so I hope I can see her. Other that, I don't have many friends here, but hope to make more. Lately, I've just been feeling depressed because of the fact that I'm alone, or feel that way, in all senses right now. I'm bored and find myself even getting bored by music... that right there shows there's something wrong. Right now I guess I will try and live day by day and see how that goes. I should be in bed but can't sleep. I'm going home this weekend, so I will be again surrounded by my parents... so we'll see how that goes. Good night everyone.

This is a quick post to let everyone know that I made it to Ottawa on Saturday. My parents stayed overnight and helped me unpack a few things. On Sunday, we went to get groceries and a few last things before they left shortly after lunch time. I am now here in the apartment for a few weeks without my roommate. It feels so different living in an apartment as I have never had to live in one before and also because I'm alone and will be for a few weeks. I still have lots of unpacking to do, so that should keep me busy for a while anyway.

I don't know what to do anymore... all I know is I want out of this house, AND RIGHT NOW! Tonight, again I got yelled at over something that I have mentioned in a previous entry. This is regarding the eating situation at home. Maybe I should just not eat anymore... maybe that would solve the whole problem. I tried again to explain that maybe too much was being made and my mother completely flipped out by not only yelling at me about it, pounding the table, but... well she hit me again. I don't know what else to do. I guess all I can do is say... there's only a few weeks left at this house, then I can get away from her and not have to worry about it again. This happens so often, and I am reduced to tears each time. And what happens with my brother... absolutely nothing. Pardon my language here... but why the fuck can't they deal with him too? Why can't my mother yell at him for eating too much? I don't eat that much and when I say I don't want too much... I get all this god damn flak! Why is everything dumped on me? Why am I her emotional punching bag... and in this case, physically too... I can't take it anymore... I WANT AN END AND I WANT IT NOW!

I guess now everyone is going to have a horrible image of me, even though, most of you didn't even get to hear what really happened in the relationship and why I felt I couldn't stay. I was hurt, and all the things that happened... I'm sorry, but I feel that what happened really hurt me and it's going to take a lot to get over. I thought I could; I wanted to work through it, try and make things better... I really did try. Whether or not people choose to see or hear my side, that's their choice... I'm sorry if everyone hates me for what happened and what Victoria has told you. I'm sure that the whole story was not told... I wish I could get to explain my side of what really happened in the relationship. Sorry everyone.

For Victoria, I did not once post anything rude or insulting about you, nor did I bad-mouth you to anyone on my MSN list, or post names about you on MSN either. I don't think this was fair of you, but whatever. I guess this is what I have to live with now. I have tried to talk with you about things... I wanted to be a friend, I wanted to, but I guess that you don't want to... and I guess I can see why. Sorry. That's all I have to say.

I just don't understand people sometimes. Here's what's going on. My mother has been yelling at me for I don't know how long over the fact that my family is spending a huge amount of money on groceries all the time to feed my brother and I. Well, here's the deal. When I make dinner at night for my mom, brother and myself, she insists that I make a huge meal. Why? Because apparently we eat so much food. I keep telling her that if she didn't make so much food, there wouldn't be a problem with buying so much. Then, I get yelled back in my face about how I don't need to keep going into this and how I am the one who eats twice as much as everyone else. News flash... I've been taught to eat everything on my plate, by her, and you know something? If you didn't cook so damn much, I wouldn't eat it all. The only reason I eat, what seems like a large amount, is because that's what she makes me cook! So don't start yelling at me, saying that I'm a pig and that I'm eating so much... maybe think about how much you're putting out. It's not my fault that all this money is being spent on groceries. I'm perfectly happy to eat a small amount of food, which is what I normally do anyway, and not worry about these elaborate meals that take an hour to prepare and fill the entire plate. I guess I can look forward to the fact that I will be out of this house in less than a month, and can control the amount of food I eat when I'm in Ottawa. Elaine, my roommate, and I will be able to cook together hopefully and I know that she doesn't eat all that much, so it shouldn't be a huge problem. That's what I have to look forward to. And that my friends, is my rant for today.

I can't believe it. It's almost the end of June and it feels like June just began. I'm still working on getting this apartment cleaned up and everything packed to move, I'm still working at my job, and other than that, nothing else new has been going on. Right now I'm sitting here listening to Bill's broadcast and talking to him and a few other friends on Skype. Tomorrow, I go into work for an extra shift to make up one I missed and I get to work in the dog barn, somewhere that I've never worked before, so it should be fun, but different. Anyway, that's all for now.

I guess it's about time I post something, since I haven't done so in a while. My most recent adventure would be going up to Ottawa with my parents this past weekend. On Saturday we started on a long voyage up to Smiths Falls. Along the way, my parents decided to do some sight-seeing. We left the house bright and early, just after 10, and we didn't arrive at the hotel in Smiths Falls until just before 6:30! Sitting in a car for that long is not my cup of tea. Anyway, we got to the hotel, went out to eat at Pizza Hut, then came back to the hotel to sit around for the rest of the night. The next day, we started off early again on our way to Ottawa. We arrived in Ottawa around 11:30 and waited to pick up my new roommate, Elaine. We went to her apartment. We looked the place over, I signed some documents, then we were off again. We dropped Elaine off at the bus station, because she had to go home, and then we went some more adventures between there and Gananoque. We stayed at a motel there, got some McDonalds for dinner, then relaxed for the rest of the night. Monday morning we traveled home and arrived shortly before 3:00. And that, my friends, was my exciting weekend. And, I even got to have an extra day off work.

Today at work, something very cute happened. Here's the story... I took one of our dogs for a walk, her name is Argentina. We went outside in the court yard for a walk. She did the regular sniffing around for a while. Then, I brought her back inside and started to brush her. She sat in my lap, put her head on my shoulder, as well as her paws, curled up and started drooling. It was the sweetest thing ever. She's a very nice dog. For those of you who don't know, I work at an animal labratory/kennel with beagles. That's my cute little day at work.

Today I was in Brantford helping my parents move one the ex-tenants' stuff out of one of the apartments that they are going to be renting out in May. It was a hard day of moving, carrying/lifting, and running around starting early this morning. I'm home now and finally relaxing after being up since 8:30 this morning.

I attended our annual horse banquet for Rockwood Trail Riders. I was the DJ again this year and had a great time doing it. I won't bore you with every little detail. There was dinner around 7 which consisted of potatoes, roast beef, corn and dessert as well. There were awards given out at 8, and the dance was at 9. People started to leave around 11 and by midnight, it was pretty much empty. I had a good night and some money as well which will go towards my upcoming fees for college.

Well today was my first big incident at work.  Here is the story, and I hope that you can all understand this.  I was cleaning one of our rooms and I was on top of a steel grate, which is about 3-4 feet above the ground.  Well, I was cleaning as usual, when all of a sudden it snapped and I fell right through, scraping my back on the back wall and piece of steel grate that didn't break.  It had nothing to do with my weight.  It apparently had something to do with the fact that it may have been older and worn with a slight crack in it.  All I know is I am in some pain and have a huge scrape/cut on my back which I had to have bandaged up today at work.  This happened around 12:30, which is about an hour-and-a-half before my shift was over.  I was unable to help my partner because I couldn't, and still can't, bend my back without a lot of pain.  So now, I sit here in discomfort, hoping that it will feel better soon.  I did have another incident at work when I had fallen on some ice and hurt my back, but it wasn't too bad at the time, just hurt a little.  So, that was my day at work.

Does this sound crazy or what?  When I get a short amount of sleep, for example 3-4 hours, I feel fine when I wake up.  By this I mean, I don't feel all that tired.  However, if I get a decent amount of sleep, for example 7-8 hours, I feel exhausted.  Now how does this make sense?  You would think that having more sleep would be more refreshing and make you feel well-rested.  Maybe it's the fact that I don't go to bed early at night and therefore my body is used to only getting a few hours of sleep... especially on nights that I work.  I don't know, just another random question.

Random title I know... well it did snow, unfortunately.  I thought it was spring.  I think mother nature is confused about what season we're in.  Apparently we're in for a few more weeks of cool temperatures before spring really blooms.  Also, I heard that Environment Canada predicts that we're going to skip most of Spring and just go into warm Summer temperatures.  All I know right now is, I want winter to end and be rid of it until December.

As I sit here bored, I look out the window at the rain coming down.  I came in, not long ago, from letting the horses out and was completely soaked.  I'm now drying off and bored as anyone could be.  I can't wait until I can move out of here and actually have things to do, places to go, and people to see.  Living on the farm is definitely not for me.

Boy, did I ever have an interesting day at work.  Work itself was fine, meaning I did all the cleaning, walked the dogs, and all that fun stuff... it was right at the end of the day when my first real incident occurred.  We have little puppies that we look after: griffons.  They are very tiny and love to run around, jump around, bite and scratch.  Well today, one of them decided it would be a great idea to run up to me while I was sitting on the floor, jump up on my lap and  chest, and bite me right inside my nose.  His teeth clamped my nostril and he bit and wouldn't let go.  That really really hurt.  He was only playing and didn't do it on purpose, but oh my God did it ever hurt and it bled for a while.  I'm fine now except for the fact that my nose really hurts.  And that, my friends, was my day at work.